I can honestly say that I have mostly stopped comparing myself to other women. I read blogs about the biggest mistakes that women make and comparing is always one of them. I think to myself, "I haven't done that in a while, I'm doing pretty well." But the Holy Spirit convicts, and He convicted me. When I said that I don't compare myself to other women, that is true, but only in the superficial sense of the word. I try to avoid the comparisons of looks, style, possessions, raising children, husbands, experiences, etc. But there is a type of comparison and envy that I struggle with, and that is the spiritual one.
I often think of others gifts and personality and long to be like "her." I want to know the Bible like she does. I want to have such a clear vision of God's plan for me, and she makes it look easy. I want the always joyful, bubbly personality that makes it so visible that she is following God. I have prayed about jealousy and the root of these desires. I believe that there is a sincere longing for a closer walk with God, but also a selfish desire to be viewed as "godly" by others. Over the past few weeks, several truths have been revealed to me:
- I have to put in the work
- God has made me with unique gifts
- Every gift is important and has it's place
- God created my personality
Put in the Work
In Lysa TerKeurst's book Unglued, she states that envy often arises from another person being successful in an area that we wish to be successful. I have found this to be true in the activity of running. Yes, running. I see posts of what I consider to be amazing runners. Moms, women with many kids and responsibilities, and they are fast. I wish I was that fast. But if I am honest with myself, I can wish all I want, but I don't put in as much work as they do. I run occasionally and expect to get faster and better.
The same is true in my spiritual life. If I only pray occasionally and only pick up my Bible every once in a while, I can not logically expect to grow in the Lord. Then I see others moving forward and wonder why I am not like her. We must put in the work. Just like with exercise, when we start seeing results, the work becomes joy.
I Have Unique Gifts
Even with much more work in the area of running, I will never be as fast as an Olympian. I wasn't created for that. Some people are born with a natural athletic gift. When we are born into the kingdom of God, we are given gifts.
1 Corinthians 12:4 states "There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them." The same idea is reiterated in 1 Corinthians 12:11 "All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he distributes them to each one, just as he determines." The gifts are distributed by the Holy Spirit at the moment we invite Christ into our lives. They are different, but each one important.
Every Gift is Important
1 Corinthians 12 is an amazing chapter on the gifts given by the Holy Spirit. We need each other in the body of Christ. Every single member is important and cannot function without the others. If you are a hand, do not waste your energy trying to be an eye. This will result in frustration and missing the calling of God for your life. Of utmost importance is chapter 13 of 1 Corinthians. Whatever your gift might be, if you do it without love, it is useless. "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." (1 Corinthians 13:13)
God Made Me
Psalm 139 says "you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." If you are churched, this verse is familiar and maybe committed to memory. Don't lose the truth that God works wonderful miracles in the womb, and each one of us is precisely who He meant for us to be.
I can have joy and love for others in my heart and still be a quiet spirit. I was not created to be a bubbly, outgoing woman. Christ knows my heart and what I am doing in his name and to make him known. I desire to have that personality because at 32 years old, I still want to be popular. God knows that I can't handle popular, so He designed me this way. It's okay to not be the smiley, bouncy, outwardly cheerful one in the group. We need those women, and they need us.
