My Strength

This is the most difficult season of my life. I am getting divorced. I hated typing that, but it is true and everyone will know eventually. It was hard making the phone calls to the people who needed to know most. The first one I made was the hardest; it was my mom. It is always a little scary to call your mom because she has two sides: the side that loves you with an undying love and the side that grits her teeth and yanks you up by your arm to lead you in the right direction. I've experienced both simultaneously during several phone conversations.

 I could barely get the words out through my tears. "We are getting...getting...we're getting divorced." I couldn't say anything really after that. I just cried. And for a moment I just heard her crying, too. When someone loves you that deeply, they join you in your pain. They meet you where you are and instead of saying "you'll be okay...you're fine," they might say "I am so sorry you're hurting" or "I am sad that you are hurting." I didn't know what I expected her to say, but all she has done is love me through it all. Sometimes she says really difficult things that I need to hear. She also holds me, literally and through texts and phone calls when we're 1000 miles apart. 

 Late last night I was reading through emails that my dad sent over a period of 4-5 years. I have them neatly tucked away in a virtual folder titled "dad." I was surprised to see several from my mom in there as well. I've randomly read a few of these emails occasionally for the last 10 years and I hadn't noticed the ones from her. Each email had a Bible verse at the end. Every one was specifically chosen for me and related directly to what I was going through at the time. It was more evidence of what I've known for the last few years. 

 I don't know that I've seen my mom read the Bible, other than in church. She doesn't pray out loud. I've never seen her give money to charities. I know she volunteers, only because she's gone when we visit. But my mom never verbalizes or purposefully displays her faith in action. But I know it's there, because I see it in her response to the many things I've gone through and the poor choices I've made. 

 

 For all of these years my mom has been there, the quiet strength behind my dad. She has continuously prayed for us, rejoiced for us, and cried for us and with us. She is truly my rock and I am so blessed by her strength.  

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, 
but of power and of love and of a sound mind" 2 Timothy 1:7