I wanted an upside-down Christmas tree. I needed an upside-down Christmas tree. Partly because I read about it in Ann Voskamp's blog. Mostly because I'm a little strange and unique and it just "fits." The tree should represent a Christmas that is opposite to the Christmas of wanting and receiving. I'm picturing it as a tree that selflessly gives. (There should be a book about that.) In my mind, when a traditional Christmas tree is flipped over, all the gifts that are gathered under it will come spilling out. We might be left with nothing. Which is precisely why I need that tree to remind me: we need nothing. Yet we want everything.
When I began thinking about the gift-giving, I didn't get all excited or stressed out. I had a plan. The plan was to give, give, and give. That is, to give to other individuals who are not part of my family. Strangers, lost people, found people, kids in need, and those who just want. I was going to strategically pick just a couple of gifts for my children and one for my husband and be done. I didn't want anything and I definitely don't need anything.
Then it happened. I innocently went to a store, with a red bull's eye on it, looking for a gift for a child in need. It took me a while to find the specific item she had requested. Suddenly, I was in the boys' department admiring the magical new toys and allowing my eyes and ears to be hypnotized by their call. Every time I walked by a certain train, it sounded out "choo, choo." I moved on to look at other items, only to return to that aisle and again hear the "choo, choo." My boys would love that train. We already have a train, but it doesn't make sounds.
I caught myself. I knew I was there to shop for children in need, and not there to shop for me. Because, let's be honest here, when I'm shopping for my children, I'm really shopping for me. I want to see their joyous expressions when they open those gifts and gaze upon them for the first time. I want them to spend hours playing while I have a little mommy time to myself. I want them to repeatedly tell me how great my present-picking skills are and that I'm the best mommy in the entire world. I, I , I...
Putting others before myself was proving to be harder than I'd thought. I needed a clear plan that I could objectively measure. So I focused on a goal for our family Christmas gifts this year. The idea was actually stolen from my older sister. I am not condoning stealing during the Christmas season. Or any season. But especially not during Christmas. Or ever. Moving on: The idea comes from Luke 2:52. "And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and with people."
There will be four total gifts per child: one representing wisdom, one for stature, one that strengthens their relationship with God, and one for their relationship with people. Santa may bring one extra toy some years, but this year they will be included; mommy and daddy aren't spending any more money.
That brings me to a second goal that we have this Christmas: To spend as much or more money on others than on our own family. I love this goal because it simultaneously puts the focus on giving more to others and giving less to ourselves.
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| My helper. |
I'm confident that this will work for us and for our children in years to come. Of course they want and will want all the toys that will break in a week or will be shoved to the back of the closet until clean out day. Then they will shout "Hey! I forgot about this!" and play with it for another hour. But after that, it's done. There are no lasting benefits to the "stuff." But hey, I'm not knocking the "stuff." That is what we include with the relationship with man: things like games, shared toys, etc. This year I also used toys geared toward wisdom. They are called "educational toys." If you want to overload them with "stuff," that's where Nana and Grandma come in. (wink, wink)
We are so incredibly blessed to be able to give to one another. Gift giving is my primary love language, so it's natural for me to want to give and give and give to my children. I'm learning more each day that they really just want me to give them my time. I play trains with the little one and he pushes his around the house saying "choo, choo!" Then I realize, I am the best mommy in the entire world.
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| Our tree has evolved to include prayer and Christmas cards |
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