Just Wait- A perspective on marriage

I was inspired by this post to write this. Similar to child rearing in the fact that in the beginning, we are on an adrenaline rush of euphoria, only to find that this journey is so much harder than we expected, is this- marriage.
 When I see young couples...younger couples, (I admit, we are a young couple) I think to myself many things. None of which is "oh, they are going to be so happy together forever and ever!" Often times I think "if they only knew what lies ahead!" If we did know what was ahead, would we still get married? I would say most of us would. That is because although marriage is difficult, sometimes impossible, it is also so rewarding.
 God didn't create marriage to make us happy, but to make us holy. My favorite summary of marriage in the Bible is found in Ecclesiastes 4:9-12.

 

"Two are better than one,

because they have a good return for their work:

If one falls down,

his friend can help him up.

But pity the man who falls

and has no one to help him up!

Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.

But how can one keep warm alone?

Though one may be overpowered,

two can defend themselves.

A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."

 

 The idea behind this passage is that the "two" are in battle. Not with each other, but together, against an enemy. The two lying together symbolizes two lying back to back, protecting one another. I absolutely love this passage because it shows that one purpose of marriage is to give us a human companion to join our side in a spiritual battle. (paraphrased from Love and War)

 So many times when a couple is recently married, still in the "honeymoon phase," we hear or say "just wait." We know that the troubles are coming, because we've been there. But there is another side to the story...

 

Just wait until the first time you get to call him "husband"

 

Just wait until you get to go on vacation together- alone

 

Just wait until you've had a hard day at work and he meets you at home with a hot pizza

 

Just wait until you get to tell him that you will soon be a family of three

 

Just wait until you see your child in his arms for the first time

 

 

 

 

 

 

Just wait until you feel rejected and discouraged and he encourages you with biblical truth

 

Just wait until it's bath time for the kids and you hear them squealing and playing together

 

Just wait until you've sworn this is the worst day of your life, then you get a text like this:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Just wait until you feel like you've failed as a mother, and he tells you you're the best mom on Earth

 

Just wait until you're driving near home, see a horrible car accident, and praise God it isn't him

 

Just wait until he surprises you with a vacation you've been hinting about

 

Just wait until you've messed up and he shows you forgiveness only seen through Christ.

 

Just wait.

 

The next time you come across a newly married or engaged couple, give them words of encouragement. All too often we focus on the struggles of this life instead of the blessings. My marriage is no exception to the rule. We struggle. At times we have struggled greatly. But I praise God that He can make anything new again. If you are at a time of great struggle in your marriage, remember it is a battle. Your spouse is your comrade, not your enemy. Focus on the true enemy, and get the help you need from God and others.

 

 

 

 



  

Malachi 3:10- A God story

Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this," says the LORD Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it. Malachi 3:10, NIV.

This story starts with broken pipes. Let me just say that if you hear water running in your home and a faucet is not open, it's not good. If you live on a slab, it's worse. We had a leaking pipe in our bathroom. It was fixed not once, but twice. During this time, a Christian radio station that we regularly support, WayFM, was having a pledge drive. I felt led to give, but we didn't. This is the conversation I had with God on a daily basis during that time:

God- you should support this station
Jamie- I know, we usually do
God- you should support them today. Now.
Jamie- I know, but it's going to cost $1000 to fix the leaking pipe
God- wouldn't you rather give that to spreading the gospel than to fixing a pipe?
Jamie- yes, but we don't have a choice
God- give to me, I will take care of everything else
Jamie- not this time

The pledge drive ended, and we did not give. Our leak was fixed, the counter put back in the bathroom, all was well. Just a few days later, we heard water running again. In a different room. This time it was the kitchen. I approached my husband, suggesting "We should give to the church. It's been a while since we have been giving faithfully and I really believe God is telling us to give." He wanted to sell our house and move. Not kidding.

The very next day, our pastor finished the book of Colossians. The very last few verses are about friendship. He spoke for at least 30 minutes about giving to God. How did we get on that topic? I can't even remember. He spoke about Malachi 3:10 and also the parable of the rich fool, found in Luke 12:13-21. You can read it here. I kept thinking about these things in my heart and discussing with my husband at length my desire to give generously to the Lord.

 During this time, I was doing a Bible study on the parables of Jesus. That Sunday night, I opened my study to find the next parable we would be going over- the parable of the rich fool. Wow! I used to be surprised by these occurrences, but not anymore. I just laughed and thought 'I knew it.'

 My husband and I committed to give a certain amount to the church that Sunday. As soon as we committed to doing this, blessings began coming. Sometimes monetary blessings, sometimes not. We received a check from the hospital, we had paid too much. The leak in the kitchen required no moving of cabinets and we were able to pay for it without an insurance claim. The replacement tile had been discontinued, but the employee told my husband "I almost threw this out last week, but for some reason I kept it." Therefore, we didn't have to re-tile the entire kitchen. God is good. God is so good! This would have been enough for me to see that when we give, God gives back. But it kept going...

For the first time in a long time, we got a tax refund this year. A refund! That means they send you money back. When my husband told me the amount we were expected to get back, I cried. The amount of state+federal+hospital check was $9 less than the total amount we gave to our church. In my mind, that is essentially the same amount. Awesome, God! But it kept going...

A couple of days after filing electronically, my husband informed me that he got a notice and had accidentally put one number in the wrong place on our taxes. We would be getting back a little more than he had previously told me. Nine dollars more. Did you catch that?! Mind. Blown.

For Moms...And Other Humans

 You know those blogs, facebook pictures, tweets, etc. that glorify motherhood? The ones that scream "Look at us over here! We love every moment of every day! My children are so awesome and even when they misbehave it's adorable! I couldn't stand to be without them for a second! I love being a MOMMY!" You know the ones I'm talking about. Don't they just drive you crazy? There was a time, not too long ago, that these posts were everywhere. They have a tendency to make a mom feel inadequate by comparison. They have a tendency to make a mom feel that she is the only one with struggles.
 You know those blogs, facebook pictures, tweets, etc. that glorify the struggles of motherhood? The ones that scream "Look at us over here! Every moment of every day is a struggle! My children rarely behave! When can I get away from them and have some wine? Being a mommy is...AAAAHHH!" If you haven't seen one of these posts recently, keep looking. They are out there. These posts, although probably more truthful that the blissdom posts, are still full of lies. It seems the majority of mothers have swung to the completely opposite end of the spectrum. They love to congratulate each other on being transparent about the struggles of motherhood and bond over a virtual glass, or bottle, of wine. These posts have a tendency to make a mom feel "normal," by comparison. She is not the only one with struggles.
 I am all for being transparent. So I will start there. I am a mother of two boys ages 3 and 1. I have struggles. I struggle with behavior problems, discipline, communication, injuries, sickness, trying to get it all done, trying not to have a meltdown in public... The list can go on forever. I also have blessings. First words, first steps, kisses, hugs, play dates, birthday parties, cuddling, being the only person in the world that my child wants... This list can go on forever, too.
 I believe the desire of most mothers is to be "normal." But I don't want to be normal. I don't want to get to a place where I read the doubts and fears of other moms and think "Yes. That is true. I will never be good enough at this. I can't do it. It's too hard. I'm glad I'm not the only one." Mothers, those are lies! I'm not ready to throw in the towel to the hardships of motherhood and just accept that this is the way it is.
 I've shared the fact that I have many trials raising my two young boys. With some of you, I've shared some of these trials in detail. The difference in raising them comes from the truth of God's Word. Of course I feel inadequate at times. Of course I feel overwhelmed, exhausted, alone at times. I'm human and imperfect. But God tells me that I can rest. I'm not alone and He has given me everything I need on this journey. Below I've written some of the lies that moms believe about themselves and the truth that God has spoken to me.

Lie: I can not do this.
Truth: I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
       Philippians 4:13

Lie: I'm too exhausted and overwhelmed to deal with this.
Truth: Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will
       give you rest. Matthew 11:28
Truth: Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your
       God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold
       you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

Lie: I'll never be able to get through this day.
Truth: Those that hope in the Lord will renew their strength.
       Isaiah 40:31
Truth: Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our
       burdens. Psalm 68:19

Lie: I have to get it all done!
Truth: Be still, and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10

Lie: I'll never be enough for my children.
Truth: and in Him you have been made complete, and He is the head
       over all rule and authority; Colossians 2:10
Truth: and to know this love that surpasses knowledge--that you may
       be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
       Ephesians 3:19

Lie: I am alone.
Truth: God has said "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake
       you." Hebrews 13:5
Truth: ...surely I am with you always, to the very end of age.
       Matthew 28:20

 This is God's truth about those that He calls his own. If you haven't come to know Jesus as Savior, I would encourage you to consider it, pray about it, and know that He loves you more than any words can ever express. For those that are followers of Jesus, remember this as you fight the daily battle-

"So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness." (Col 2:6,7)