Ephesians 4:20

 Exceedingly Abundantly Above

 I was always told "you can be anything you want to be." I really wanted to be an astronaut. Obviously, that didn't work out. I have bad eyesight, and when I was young that prevented you from flying. It's hard to be an astronaut if you don't know how to fly. So in my head I turned that quote into "you can be anything you want to be, except an astronaut, because you can't see well enough." Ok, a pharmacist, then. That's what I'll be. And I was. I've always been very honest about my career choice and I see no reason to hide it now. I wanted to be a pharmacist for the pay check. Not to be a billionaire, but to work 1/2 the amount of time other women work and still make good $.
 After my first child I continued to work full-time. That lasted 2 months. I knew I should cut back my hours and decided to cut them to 30. Over and over I debated this in my head and with God. 20 or 30? 20 or 30? Twenty will be better for my family, but thirty...the money! Ok, God. Thirty it is. When I broke the news to my boss, I was surprised to find out that the company I worked for only allowed full-time or half-time. No in-between. Ok, God. Twenty it is. I really enojoyed working twenty hours and spending the other time at home. It went well and I felt great, as long as I was at home. My work life was falling apart. I won't go into specifics, I'll just say that it was a terrible situation. I rarely had energy to spend time with my family when I got home. Many times I would burst out in anger or tears. About this same time I was newly pregnant with my second child. I knew I had to leave. I prayed for God to show me where to go. I looked for another job for weeks. I remember having this conversation with God-

Me- "God, please give me another job."
God- it is time to leave where you are
Me- "I know, but I need another job. Then I'll leave."
God- you don't trust me to provide for you
Me- "I do...it's just...I need to know where you are sending me."
God- it's time to leave

And I did. Because I was pregnant, I didn't see the purpose of job-searching right away. My husband and I agreed I'd look after the baby came. But something happened during those few months I was at home. God changed me. Staying at home with my son opened my life to new opportunitites that were not possible before. I started attending Bible study and women's get-togethers at church. I cooked and sat down with my family for dinner. I put my boy to bed every night and didn't have to say "good-night" over the phone. I spent every weekend with my family. I can be anything I want to be. And this is what I want to be. A wife. A mom. A woman who seeks Jesus and has godly friends. Of course, this is not ALL that I am. But I know that God has called me to be here, now.

 

Closing Thoughts

 Before G was born, I was given a book entitled Bringing Up Boys by Dr. James Dobson. Overall, I thought the book was informative. Mostly I read the book thinking thoughts like 'oh, that's interesting...so that's what's wrong with him...I know a dad like that...I know a mom like that...I find that hard to believe...etc.' But one thing stood out to me so much that I remember it four years later. "...many women today feel they have no choice but to get back to a job as soon as possible after giving birth. If you are one of them, let me say respectfully and compassionately that I understand the financial and emotional pressures you face. But to new mothers who have other options, I would strongly recommend that you not hand your babies over to child-care workers..." I'm sorry, WHAT?! I immediately told my husband "Dr. Dobson thinks that women should only work if they have no other choice financially! Isn't that stupid? God gave me this ability, it is part of who I am, I worked my tail off for six years! I have to work. I would be a terrible mother if I don't work. I could never be a stay-at-home-mom. I don't know how those moms do it. I would strangle my kids!" I often wonder if God smiled at me saying all of those things or laughed to himself. All of this thinking has changed, except the part where I want to strangle my kids. Praise God, He gives me the perfect amount of patience.
 Mona Lisa Smile. Things aren't always as they seem. The movie has been on the top of my list since it was first released. (Disclaimer: the movie is not a great family movie and definitely not one for children). There is something that I have always identified with in that movie. The brightest young woman in the class applies to law school at Yale and gets accepted. But instead of pursuing a career in law, she pursues her dream of having a family.
 "To you, a housewife is someone who sold her soul for a center hall colonial. She has no depth, no intellect, no interests. You're the one who said I could do anything I wanted. This is what I want." -Joan, Mona Lisa Smile
 That movie was released in 2003. I was just begining my third year of pharmacy school. I guess even though I verbally protested being a stay-at-home-mom, somewhere deep down I knew that's what my heart longed for.
 This is what I want.

 


"pretend naptime"



My "mommy stays in the picture" picture



reading to little brother



My boys ridin' that train