The Other Giving Tree

 I wanted an upside-down Christmas tree. I needed an upside-down Christmas tree. Partly because I read about it in Ann Voskamp's blog. Mostly because I'm a little strange and unique and it just "fits." The tree should represent a Christmas that is opposite to the Christmas of wanting and receiving. I'm picturing it as a tree that selflessly gives. (There should be a book about that.) In my mind, when a traditional Christmas tree is flipped over, all the gifts that are gathered under it will come spilling out. We might be left with nothing. Which is precisely why I need that tree to remind me: we need nothing. Yet we want everything.

 

 

 

 When I began thinking about the gift-giving, I didn't get all excited or stressed out. I had a plan. The plan was to give, give, and give. That is, to give to other individuals who are not part of my family. Strangers, lost people, found people, kids in need, and those who just want. I was going to strategically pick just a couple of gifts for my children and one for my husband and be done. I didn't want anything and I definitely don't need anything.

 

 Then it happened. I innocently went to a store, with a red bull's eye on it, looking for a gift for a child in need. It took me a while to find the specific item she had requested. Suddenly, I was in the boys' department admiring the magical new toys and allowing my eyes and ears to be hypnotized by their call. Every time I walked by a certain train, it sounded out "choo, choo." I moved on to look at other items, only to return to that aisle and again hear the "choo, choo." My boys would love that train. We already have a train, but it doesn't make sounds.

 

 I caught myself. I knew I was there to shop for children in need, and not there to shop for me. Because, let's be honest here, when I'm shopping for my children, I'm really shopping for me. I want to see their joyous expressions when they open those gifts and gaze upon them for the first time. I want them to spend hours playing while I have a little mommy time to myself. I want them to repeatedly tell me how great my present-picking skills are and that I'm the best mommy in the entire world. I, I , I...

 

 Putting others before myself was proving to be harder than I'd thought. I needed a clear plan that I could objectively measure. So I focused on a goal for our family Christmas gifts this year. The idea was actually stolen from my older sister. I am not condoning stealing during the Christmas season. Or any season. But especially not during Christmas. Or ever. Moving on: The idea comes from Luke 2:52. "And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and with people."

 

 There will be four total gifts per child: one representing wisdom, one for stature, one that strengthens their relationship with God, and one for their relationship with people. Santa may bring one extra toy some years, but this year they will be included; mommy and daddy aren't spending any more money.

 

 That brings me to a second goal that we have this Christmas: To spend as much or more money on others than on our own family. I love this goal because it simultaneously puts the focus on giving more to others and giving less to ourselves.

 

My helper. We I wrapped gifts for foster children. He played with cardboard

 

 I'm confident that this will work for us and for our children in years to come. Of course they want and will want all the toys that will break in a week or will be shoved to the back of the closet until clean out day. Then they will shout "Hey! I forgot about this!" and play with it for another hour. But after that, it's done. There are no lasting benefits to the "stuff." But hey, I'm not knocking the "stuff." That is what we include with the relationship with man: things like games, shared toys, etc. This year I also used toys geared toward wisdom. They are called "educational toys." If you want to overload them with "stuff," that's where Nana and Grandma come in. (wink, wink)

 

 We are so incredibly blessed to be able to give to one another. Gift giving is my primary love language, so it's natural for me to want to give and give and give to my children. I'm learning more each day that they really just want me to give them my time. I play trains with the little one and he pushes his around the house saying "choo, choo!" Then I realize, I am the best mommy in the entire world.

 

Our tree has evolved to include prayer and Christmas cards

They Say It's Your Birthday!

 Thanksgiving is over, which means it is officially the start of Christmas celebration! I am so very excited to begin listening to Christmas music, decorating, and giving gifts! For weeks I have been thinking of ways to make this Christmas very special and hopefully begin some traditions of our own.

 

 It is your birthday! We are so excited to celebrate that we've taken extra time to get everything prepared. You see, we look forward to your birthday all year. It always passes too quickly, so sometimes we start getting ready a little early. We decorate by putting up lights all around the city. It really is a beautiful thing. There are so many songs that honor your birthday, with new ones being written every year. Young children dress up nice and perform those songs in front of an audience of parents. Each family has their own unique traditions. But there is one tradition that most people agree on: the giving of gifts! Even though we may not admit it, we love receiving gifts as well. Because we love you so much, we spend lots of time and money to give the best gifts. We give these gifts to each other, because it is your birthday. I just feel like maybe we have forgotten something...

 

 Please remember to honor Jesus this year by giving more than material gifts. Don't forget to honor him by reserving the best gifts for Jesus alone. How can we give gifts to Jesus?

 

The King will answer and say to them 'Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.' (Matt 25:40)

 

 For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited me in; naked, and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me. (Matt 25:35,36)

 

 There are so many ways to give to Jesus! Here are a few suggestions:

• Make or buy goodies for your local service men and women
• Pay for the meal or drink for someone at the drive through, a cashier at the store, anyone really
• Sponsor a wish list or single gift for children in need in your area
• Sponsor gifts for elderly people in your community
• Volunteer wrapping or sorting presents through a local organization
• Volunteer at a homeless shelter or food kitchen
• Send animals or monetary gifts to children in need in other countries
• Contribute to a community to provide clean water
• Sponsor a child in need

 

Some websites to visit are the following:

• World Vision
• Compassion
• Blood-water mission
• Kids to Love
• Chickens and goats

For you: A giveaway! Leave a comment saying what you have given to Jesus this year for His birthday, and you will be entered into a drawing to win a $50 Target gift card. There is no need to be specific. (I.e. gave to a child in need; volunteered locally; made treats to give away, etc.)The winner will be drawn January 1st, 2014.

 

This post is not sponsored. There is no purchase necessary to be entered into the drawing, just be creative with how you give. Immediate family members are not eligible to win. Each person will only be entered once. Anonymous comments are welcome, but I need to know your name to put into the drawing (private message, if needed). If you would like to add to the giveaway by providing a prize, awesome! Message me.

Galations 6:4. No Comparing

 I can honestly say that I have mostly stopped comparing myself to other women. I read blogs about the biggest mistakes that women make and comparing is always one of them. I think to myself, "I haven't done that in a while, I'm doing pretty well." But the Holy Spirit convicts, and He convicted me. When I said that I don't compare myself to other women, that is true, but only in the superficial sense of the word. I try to avoid the comparisons of looks, style, possessions, raising children, husbands, experiences, etc. But there is a type of comparison and envy that I struggle with, and that is the spiritual one.

 

 I often think of others gifts and personality and long to be like "her." I want to know the Bible like she does. I want to have such a clear vision of God's plan for me, and she makes it look easy. I want the always joyful, bubbly personality that makes it so visible that she is following God. I have prayed about jealousy and the root of these desires. I believe that there is a sincere longing for a closer walk with God, but also a selfish desire to be viewed as "godly" by others. Over the past few weeks, several truths have been revealed to me:

• I have to put in the work

• God has made me with unique gifts

• Every gift is important and has it's place

• God created my personality

Put in the Work

 

 In Lysa TerKeurst's book Unglued, she states that envy often arises from another person being successful in an area that we wish to be successful. I have found this to be true in the activity of running. Yes, running. I see posts of what I consider to be amazing runners. Moms, women with many kids and responsibilities, and they are fast. I wish I was that fast. But if I am honest with myself, I can wish all I want, but I don't put in as much work as they do. I run occasionally and expect to get faster and better.

 The same is true in my spiritual life. If I only pray occasionally and only pick up my Bible every once in a while, I can not logically expect to grow in the Lord. Then I see others moving forward and wonder why I am not like her. We must put in the work. Just like with exercise, when we start seeing results, the work becomes joy.

 

I Have Unique Gifts

 Even with much more work in the area of running, I will never be as fast as an Olympian. I wasn't created for that. Some people are born with a natural athletic gift. When we are born into the kingdom of God, we are given gifts.

 1 Corinthians 12:4 states "There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them." The same idea is reiterated in 1 Corinthians 12:11 "All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he distributes them to each one, just as he determines." The gifts are distributed by the Holy Spirit at the moment we invite Christ into our lives. They are different, but each one important.

 

Every Gift is Important

 1 Corinthians 12 is an amazing chapter on the gifts given by the Holy Spirit. We need each other in the body of Christ. Every single member is important and cannot function without the others. If you are a hand, do not waste your energy trying to be an eye. This will result in frustration and missing the calling of God for your life. Of utmost importance is chapter 13 of 1 Corinthians. Whatever your gift might be, if you do it without love, it is useless. "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." (1 Corinthians 13:13)

 

God Made Me

 Psalm 139 says "you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." If you are churched, this verse is familiar and maybe committed to memory. Don't lose the truth that God works wonderful miracles in the womb, and each one of us is precisely who He meant for us to be.

 I can have joy and love for others in my heart and still be a quiet spirit. I was not created to be a bubbly, outgoing woman. Christ knows my heart and what I am doing in his name and to make him known. I desire to have that personality because at 32 years old, I still want to be popular. God knows that I can't handle popular, so He designed me this way. It's okay to not be the smiley, bouncy, outwardly cheerful one in the group. We need those women, and they need us.

Pride Comes Before the Fall

 I just love the Bible. It is an amazing story of an amazing God who saved us from eternal separation from Him. That is the greatest, most life changing story in all of history. The Bible is also filled with great wisdom that many people quote without even realizing from where the quote came. For instance, this verse:

 

Pride goes before destruction,
    and haughtiness before a fall. Proverbs 16:18 (NLT)

 

First pride, then the crash—
    the bigger the ego, the harder the fall. (The Message)

 

 That is the TRUTH. I am guilty of living it out far too often. I've recently been reading, studying, and preparing for leading a study based on Lysa TerKeurst's Unglued. Pause for a moment: this book is outstanding for those who struggle with letting their feelings rip through others OR silently swallowing true feelings only to have them lose relationships based on false peace. God showed me this was the study for me in the most unexpected way.

 

 It was the day of the spring program for my older son. He was dressed and prepped and oh so handsome. On special days, I put a paste-like substance in his hair that we call "banana head." He likes to "help." A tiny bit, that is what he is allowed to put on his hair. A tiny bit turned into a glob when I wasn't looking and I let those words fly. The stress of re-washing and drying his hair was just too much for me in that moment. Now most moms probably don't tell their son that his hair is ruined and ugly...but we've all had bad mornings. I admit that shortly before this I rejected the idea of leading the Unglued study because I basically told God, "I got this. On my own, I got it." WRONG.

 

 Through the study I have been slowly making progress. Imperfect progress. I've been learning that I can never change on my own. God has been changing me. In fact, just Wednesday night, I realized that I had so much patience with the boys. I hadn't yelled in a few days, and it was a genuine patience and a heart of grace. "I got this."

 

 Wednesday night, I'm sure you can guess what happened. The fall. Baby was awake the entire night. Screaming. I had no idea what was going on, as he has been sleeping all night for over a year. I tried and tried to put him back in bed, but he was not having it. I prayed and sang and I fully leaned on God. I was still feeling pretty good about myself. Until I finally got in the bed and let my husband have it. He suggested that I do something different during the day. How dare he?! But it was me, I came unglued.

 

 The common thread in these cases is this: I thought I had it on my own. The truth is, no matter what the struggle, we will never "get it" on our own. Daily it is a surrender to the God who holds the world in his hands. I am still learning that I am not adequate to live this life on my own. I am not equipped without my Savior. I'll keep trying to take control, and He will keep showing me that it is not mine to take. But through all of this, I will make progress. Imperfect progress.

Boys Will Be Curious

Boys Will Be Boys Gross Curious

 My sweet son, G, has serious ear issues. The very first time we were aware of his "issues" was when he woke up with brown-tinted ooze coming out of his ear. He was nearly one year old and never had a fever, pulled at his ears, or had any other indicator of an ear infection. Mother's Day 2010, I was paged away from church to take care of my baby, who had a 102 temp. It was his ears. Again. He was on some kind of antibiotic for more than six weeks. I preferred tubes, but the ENT was a little more conservative and he wanted to wait it out. When G's ear drum perforated while on strong antibiotics, we scheduled surgery. All went well and he had no infections for three years...

 Then, this past February, he woke up once again with a soaking wet, nasty pillow case and fluid draining from his ear. I actually first noticed something was not right because he was covered in hives (another post in itself). A ten day course of antibiotics and he was good to go...for about a month. Then it happened again. (This child has an incredible tolerance for pain- they should do some research on him). Back to the ENT we went.
 

 This time around, the ENT doc. suggested his adenoids come out. I was expecting that. The main warning from the doctor was this: "his breath will be really bad." "Okay," I replied. "No, I mean, really bad. It's bad. Horrible." The doctor was serious about this bad breath warning. We scheduled the surgery.
 

 When the day came for my nearly four year old to have surgery, I was nervous. My brain, being saturated with statistics (most of which I make up), knew the chances of something going wrong were tiny. But my doubting, faith-lacking part of the brain wouldn't shut up. So I went to the surgery center armed.   

 We waited and waited and waited. We waited so long that I started to do squats in the pre-op area. We may have even spent some time speaking with accents or sticking surgery bear's head out of the curtain as nurses were walking by. (We now have two surgery bears. G wants more. I do not.)Then they took him back and we waited some more.

 

 

 They brought G out from recovery and I was positive they had switched him with a look-a-like demon child. He was screaming, crying, sometimes flopping around like a fish. When we asked him what was wrong he mostly said "I DON'T KNOW!" And the breath. Oh my, there is a reason the doctor warned us multiple times about that. Burnt flesh. That's all I will say. When we got home, he was peacefully sleeping and loudly snoring. He recovered very quickly and was off to school after a day.

 

 We informed the teachers of his procedure and I wrote a note explaining the death breath. Five days after his surgery, the school called me. I didn't get to the phone in time. Then my husband called: "We need to go get G from school." My mind ran away with itself. Does he have a fever? An infection? Is he bleeding? Will he need an emergency surgery?! No, none of those. It was this:

 

 If you are having trouble seeing that, it says "bead." G stuck a bead up his nose. It turned out that we didn't have to pick him up at school because he was able to huff and puff and blow the bead out. The paramedics then gave him a stuffed bear for being so brave (just what we needed). G proceeded to tell his friends that "if you put a bead in your nose, you will get a bear!" I, personally, think this bear was a punishment for his behavior. We lovingly refer to him as "scary beary."

 

 
 

To Save a Child- Part 2

There is so much I wanted to share about the issue of abortion that I felt the need for more than one post. Part 1 is a brief recollection of my story and how it relates to the current law in Alabama and the bill that was recently shut down by the Texas senate. Part 2 is a summary of my personal beliefs about what our priorities, as Christians, should be regarding this issue.

 

 A very important part of my story, that I left out due to length, is that I visited a crisis pregnancy center. A wonderful, loving, caring woman helped me to understand the many options that I had. She did not exclude abortion from those options, but simply stated that she believed, personally, that it was not the best choice. Other options included adoption and raising the baby myself. Unfortunately, at that time they did not have an ultrasound machine. I honestly think that would have helped me to see the picture, literally, more clearly. What I remember most about the pregnancy center is not what was discussed or what information I was given. I remember the love she showed me. When I told her about my decision to terminate the pregnancy, she didn't gasp or get angry. She just loved me.

 

 This is a call to Christians to put their initial thoughts and emotions aside for the sake of Christ. What I've learned about emotions is that they are a signal. In this case, they might be a signal that something is wrong, frightening, or out of our control. But we do not have to react from a place of anger or judgment based on those emotions.

 

 I honestly don't believe we are accomplishing much by picketing, protesting, or calling names. The better approach would be to love and support the pregnant women that feel they have no where else to turn. There are many crisis pregnancy centers that do a great job of providing counseling, ultrasound, and basic needs for these women.

 

 Another responsibility we have is to show forgiveness. Maybe there are women who have chosen to have an abortion and do not feel they have made a mistake. We still forgive. There are also some who have terminated a pregnancy and feel remorse or guilt. We should be anxiously waiting to provide forgiveness and support.

 

 Locally, Choose Life North Alabama does a great job at supporting women in all stages of their pregnancy. They also provide care after the baby is born and have support groups for women who have terminated a pregnancy. If you are truly concerned about what is happening to all of these tiny lives, look for an organization that is making a difference in the lives of women and contribute.

To Save a Child-Part 1

 I wrote about this quite some time ago. Then, like many other unfinished or poorly-timed posts, I deleted it. Forever. Okay, not really forever, I'm sure someone somewhere could dig it up. You know what I mean. This post is extremely difficult for me to share and would actually be impossible for me to share if I weren't safely behind my computer screen. Just me. Just God and me.

 

 With so much about abortion being discussed in the media and in both states to which I'm personally connected, I just knew. I just knew that today is the day and now is the time.  I pray that someone will benefit from this part of my story. No matter what side of this debate you are on, I pray that this will shed some light on what the real issues might be. I pray that God will shine his light through me. 

 

 You have to pick a side, right? Pro-life? or pro-choice? But the reality is that it goes so much deeper than that. Because there are different scenarios, right? What if the mom was raped? What if the mom will die if action isn't taken to terminate the pregnancy? What if there are severe congenital defects? What if it's multiples and in order to save one or more you have to terminate one or more? I don't have any experience with any of those scenarios. I pray that I am never put in that situation. I also pray that if I am, God will bring me the wisdom and peace to make a decision that I can live with.

 

 In more than 90% of cases (varies depending on what survey is used) women who have an abortion do so because of what are classified as social reasons. This encompasses everything from not being ready to have a child, not being able to afford a child, it would interfere with a job, education, etc. This is the one situation that I can identify with and feel that God has put me in this place for such a time as this.

 

 Shortly after my dad died in 2005, I began to cope the only way I knew how. I checked out. I checked out of reality. I checked out of church. I checked out of everything that gave me any time to think. It came as somewhat of a shock to me in May 2005 to find out that I was pregnant. Pregnant, really? In short, I was careful. I knew it was possible, but not probable. Either way, it was true.

 

 In the world's eyes I was doing pretty well for myself. I had graduated from a graduate program. I wasn't into drugs and only drank occasionally. I was twenty-three, a great age to become a mother. In hindsight I can see that most worldly people wouldn't judge me for not having a wedding band on my finger when I would clearly be showing. But I was raised in the church. So I knew how to feel in this situation- guilty, trashy, ashamed. I hated myself. I didn't hate myself for having sex. I hated myself for being pregnant. In my self-hatred I decided to permanently get rid of the reason for my disgust- my own child.

 

 I went to the abortion clinic in the town I lived in, which happened to be in Texas. At the time, there was a mandatory 72 hour waiting period between the time the procedure was scheduled and the time of the actual procedure. Some may call this a "road-block," say it is "unnecessary," maybe even "ridiculous for women who have to travel for this procedure." I call it the most gracious, God-given 72 hours of my life. I have no idea who pushed for this law, but I'm so thankful for that person climbing the uphill battle to get it passed.

 

 During that 72 hours, God intervened. I picked up a book, The Purpose Driven Life. I remember reading about no life being an "accident." I put it down. I knew it wasn't referring to me, but the tiny life that was growing. God was using this to show me that even though I messed up, what had happened was in his plan for me. I watched my nearly 2-year-old niece play and deep down I knew what I was doing. I spent hours thinking of the near impossibility of the whole thing... and the due date. January 7th, 2006. Exactly one year to the day of my father's death. I knew that this could never have happened the way it did if not for God.

 

 So I called and canceled the termination procedure. I had no idea where I would go from there. But I knew where I was not going. I went to the store and bought prenatal vitamins. I didn't open the bottle. For thirteen weeks I never opened the bottle. Then late one night I was driving alone in my car and heard a song, Held, by Natalie Grant. I prayed for the first time in a long time and just gave everything to God. That same night I accepted that I was going to have a baby. It was real. I opened the package of vitamins and I took one. That was the only one I ever took. It is heart breaking for me to say that the very next morning that sweet baby went to be with Jesus.

 

 When I realized what was happening, I wasn't joyful. I wasn't hopeful. I was devastated. Because even though I didn't view the pregnancy as a positive time in my life, I knew I had lost a child. The physical and emotional recovery was difficult. I felt guilty for even considering abortion. I can't imagine bearing the weight of what would have been if I had followed through with that choice.

 

 The reason I am pro-life isn't because I think there are all these horrible women out there having abortions. It's because I know there are great women who have made a mistake and don't know where else to turn. I'm so thankful that state governments are taking the initiative to put more barriers in place so that having an abortion procedure isn't as simple to schedule and follow-through with as a dental cleaning.

 

 So many people on both sides of this issue view opposition to abortion as trying to save the life of a baby. Or perhaps it's viewed as trying to infringe on the rights of a grown woman. I'm so thankful for those extra barriers, that there was a required waiting period to combat impulsiveness. In my case, choosing not to have an abortion did not save the life of a child. It saved me.

 

 

 

Did I Marry "The One?"

 I've never believed in "the one." Not even in the sense of a "soul mate," but, you know the one Christians call "the one." The one God created just for you. I think that's just a Christian's way of saying we have soul mates- which you should know by now I don't think those exist. The good news for me is that I don't have to worry about if there is a "one" or not, because I'm already married. By God's standards, the man I married is my "one."

 Today marks six years since we said "I do." I remember the time leading up to that day pretty clearly. I had a lot of doubts. I wondered if I was making the correct decision, knowing that I may be far away from what I call "home" for the rest of my time on Earth. I don't really remember having those moments that take my breath away much during our dating period, but I know they were there. I thought then that I just had a realistic view of marriage. That it is work. It was not a fairy tale and there is no "happily ever after." Looking back on this, I have been very heartbroken for those that expect marriage to complete them, be their fairy tale, make them happy, etc. Because in all honesty, I don't believe I had those expectations... yet we still ended up hanging on by a thread.

 It's been almost exactly two years since I sat in a counselor's office and told her I was ready to give up. How did we get there? I can't speak for my husband, but I know for certain how I ended up there- I believed lies:

• He'll never open up to me. Lie.
• I'd be happier with someone else. Lie.
• I never really had those romantic feelings for him. Lie.
• God can't change us. Lie.
• He doesn't put me first. I don't think he ever will. Lie.
• He's the problem, not me. Lie.
• I've tried everything. Lie.

The reason I'm sharing this is because I feel like God has given us a gift. I could choose to keep it hidden, but I feel led to share. I pray that it helps someone who may be in the exact position I was in. God has transformed our relationship. He has renewed and redeemed our marriage. I am so grateful that words can't really describe it.

 At first glance, I identified a primary problem with me- entitlement. I wasn't happy and I deserved to be happy, right? That is a horrible, selfish point of view, by the way. But it was deeper than that. When I started to look into resentments, I discovered that I always had a part. Though my part varied, the flaws that led to that thought or action were the same. God really began to change me when I admitted that I am the one that is flawed.

 I'd love to give some long explanation of how God restored our marriage, but I don't really think it's that complicated. We asked him to. This we know- God wants us to stay married. If you ask God for something that you already know is his will, He will provide it. Maybe not the way you expect, but He will answer you. As our pastor said today, "pray like it depends on God, and work like it depends on you." Yes, there is a lot of work involved here. Similar to a car, if you do the work up front, there won't be a time where a huge overhaul is needed. Needless to say, we didn't do very much maintenance. I would equate it to getting an oil change every once in a while...like right before the engine blew. That didn't work very well. So we were in need of a large overhaul.

 God continues to work in our lives and change us every day. One thing that we have come to realize is that my husband and I could not be any more opposite than we are. Aside from both being self-proclaimed nerds, we don't have much else in common. While that makes things incredibly difficult in the beginning, I believe we are an amazing couple when we let God use us for his purpose.

 I find that marriage advice comes from the most unlikely sources. I think it's an example of using those that are weak in one area to show that He alone is the source of wisdom. So here's the best advice I have if you're at a crossroads in your marriage:

• Seek God first. There is a reason the Bible says "A cord of three strands is not easily broken." It's because there will be times when there is only one strand holding on. I'll let you guess which strand that is.
• DO NOT seek advice, companionship, sympathy from anyone of the opposite sex. Just don't do it. At best you'll be having emotional needs met by someone who shouldn't be fulfilling that role. At worst you'll end up somewhere you never thought you'd be.
• Stay married. Like anything worth fighting for, you have to be willing to go through the trenches to come up stronger on the other side. Don't look for instant gratification because it most likely won't come. Instead, fight like crazy and set realistic goals.
• Don't believe that both spouses have to be willing and working for God to change your marriage. Yes, that is ideal, but change can happen if only one spouse is truly seeking God and working to improve the marriage.
• Don't go searching for the "feelings." They were there once. Like me, you may not remember most of the feelings before marriage.  I think that most people had some type of romantic feelings for their spouse at one time. Surprise! - those go away. But something deeper and much more meaningful replaces that. Commitment is a choice, not a feeling.
• Get help. Get truthful, biblically based, licensed help. Get help.

 I realize this may be a radical view of marriage, but I also believe God intended marriage to be a picture of his relationship with the church. Under what circumstances would He abandon us?

 To my groom: I chose to love you and to vow the rest of my life to you. Though we've both made mistakes, I'm thankful for a God who no longer remembers them. I choose to love you today, six years later and I pray for many more.

Abercrombie & Fitch. I'm Going There.

 Ok, not there literally. I haven't stepped foot in that store in at least 10 years. I don't intend to. It's not because I'm too big or not cool enough or pretty enough. It's because the clothes are made for teenagers and in my humble opinion... I don't have one because I haven't looked at the clothes there in 10 years.

 

 I'm sure by now you have heard the uproar about a statement by the CEO of A&F that was made years ago. In case you missed it, the quote published was  “A lot of people don’t belong (in our clothes), and they can’t belong. Are we exclusionary? Absolutely.” This quote, to my knowledge, was talking about 'cool kids' vs. 'not-cool kids.' His words, not mine in any way. The quote was then applied to the fact that the store does not carry anything larger that a woman's size 10. That is my interpretation of the controversy. Whether I'm reading this correctly or not is irrelevant to my point. (article)

 

 So what are we, as a physically larger society, going to do about this? "Solutions" have ranged from boycotting the store to giving all of our A&F branded clothing to homeless people to putting their children's line out of business. When I just read that sentence, I laughed. I'm sorry, but I did. It's craziness.

 

 In my mind I equate this scenario to high school. It is comparable to that one self-proclaimed "cool kid" that is only interested in associating with other people who they believe are worthy. For this comparison, we are assuming that the "cool kid" does not want to include anyone over size 10 or anyone who doesn't have the appropriate amount of money. He will also exclude those who are not "sexy" enough or "attractive" enough. There will be some who will be thrilled to be in this group, feeling some sense of worth for being chosen. There will be others who qualify in only some areas and still manage to sneak into the group. They will likely be the most hateful to the ones who can't get in. Then there will be others who will never be "in," no matter how hard they try. When I see this comparison, one thought comes to mind- why would anyone want to actually be part of this group? Don't we get upset and cry "foul" because we feel left out? Excluded?

 

 Continuing with this comparison, the majority of students (American women) will not fit into the mold required by the "cool kid." So the majority of students won't be hanging out with this group in class, at football games, parties, etc. The boycotting "solution" equates to this: because I will never be part of that group (or maybe I can fit in, but choose not to because what they are doing is wrong), I am going to tell everyone else I know in school to exclude those kids. WE will choose not to be friends with THEM. Yeah, that'll teach 'em!

 

 Worse yet, is the idea to give your branded clothes to homeless people. This is wrong on so many levels. In one way, we're saying "this brand is horrible, you take it." Even worse is using this to stick it to A&F by showing photos of people we put on the bottom of the social totem pole wearing their clothes. Doesn't this make us just like...them?

 

 I know you are so eager to hear my response to this. Not really, but if you've read this far, you might as well keep going. When I was in high school, I somehow managed to be part of the "in" crowd and part of the "not-in" crowd. The "not-in" crowd was so much more genuine. They were wise and honest and not concerned about how others viewed them. The "in" crowd was so concerned about how others viewed them that they lost sight of who the real "them" was. I'm saying this because I know. I was that. I was concerned about being thin, pretty, having the clothes, having the hair, fitting in in-general. It led me to self-hatred. Let me just say that if you are looking for others to validate you, you'll never be good enough for them. So here is my answer. Actually, God wanted me to pass it along to you. It is His answer. Find your identity in Christ.

You are chosen

 

 1 Peter 2:9

But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light

 

 Ephesians 1:4-5

For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will-

You are His

 

 Galatians 4:6-7

Because you are sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, "Abba, Father." So you are no longer a slave, but a son; and since you are a son, God has made you also an heir.

You are beautiful

 

 Psalm 139:13-16

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

 If you have a teenager, pass this information along. She needs it. If you are, in reality, too old to wear clothes from that store (myself included), this is still truth that needs to be heard. It is incredibly wrong for a brand to purposely exclude people. But don't we all do that to some extent? We shouldn't react to sin with sin. If someone wants to shop there and fits the mold required, so be it. I'm going to choose to let this one go and I hope you will join me. Let's choose to not let a negative opinion of the physical me affect my opinion of me. Let's choose to not judge someone that fits the "mold" and wants to wear it. The real issue is not how a certain company views us, but how we view ourselves. Do we see what God sees?

 

 I admitted to having a superficial people-pleasing attitude when I was young. I'm thankful that God has taken that away. Now you can usually spot me wearing jeans that are well-worn and 1/3 my age, a comfy T, no makeup, and frizzy un-kept hair. That's just me, and I'm okay with that. No, I love that.

Dust Bunnies

 I think it's time for a reality check. Not just for me, but for all of you mothers of toddlers or any age children that spend the day destroying your home. So many things have been floating in my head about the reality of motherhood and living a life to please the Lord and being honest all at the same time. I've read blog posts and articles about the stress put on mothers to live up to all of the pictures and statuses on facebook glorifying their day, their children, their activities, and maybe just stretching the truth a little.

 I am guilty of mostly posting positive things on facebook. It's not because I want my life to read like a fairy tale. I just don't like complainers. Therefore, I try not to complain. I really do try to see the positive in my situations and sometimes joke about the trials of being a mom of two under the age of four. For example, some days I only have the opportunity to shower after dinner. Then I put on clean pajamas and call it a day. That's just the season I'm in, and I'm totally okay with that.

 I have a young girl and her friend coming over this weekend to bake. Let me just tell you, my house is a wreck. I mean, it's never in that great of shape, but someone might think a toy store exploded in here. Not only that, but I haven't cleaned the wood floors in weeks. I never knew what a dust bunny looked like until I had wood floors. Now they are everywhere. I also know why they are called dust "bunnies." It's because when you aren't looking, they multiply as quickly as bunnies. I once used the Swiffer to clean under all the furniture and my child asked "Mommy, what are you trying to get?" True story. When I think of the mess these young girls are walking into, I'm a little embarrassed. I want to clean it up, but then a thought crossed my mind. What if I don't clean it up and just live the way I live? They need to be told the truth about being a young mother. It would sound something like this: "When you are a young mom, if that is what you want to be someday, don't believe that other moms are doing better than you. Don't believe that they have it all together and their house is tidy and they spend all day frolicking with their perfectly dressed and well-behaved children. This is reality. Look around. The house is a little dusty and covered in crumbs, but my children are well cared for. The diapers all made it to the trash? Good day. No stitches or broken bones? Good day. Both kids napped? Great day! At the same time? Praise Jesus!!!"

 I want moms and young girls alike to know that what is important isn't your ability to teach your kids their alphabet by age 2. It isn't to spend every day of the summer doing something special. (Although my three year old might disagree, "where are we going today?") It isn't to have an immaculate home that is kept clean (this is impossible, BTW.) The important things to accomplish while being the mother of young children are to spend time with them and teach them about Jesus. That's it. If you have some extra time in the day, pick up around the house. If you don't, that's okay. You might not love every second with your child. That's okay. You might need to let them watch PBS all day so you can take a shower, dink a coke, and read. That's okay.

 I don't believe God wants us to compare our lives to other moms and try to determine if what we see on social media is fake or real. It doesn't matter. Don't let statuses or pins or tweets be the measuring stick for your life. Let Jesus be your measuring stick. It goes without saying, but Jesus didn't always have it easy. Yet he was thankful. He was thankful for what the Father gave him and for his responsibility on Earth.

 The reason I try not to post about my trials on social media is because I aim to keep my eyes so focused on God that the trials seem small. I try to be thankful for what I have and where I am, even if what I have is screaming at 3am and I am in my cozy warm bed. Of course I am far from perfect in these areas, but it is a goal. A positive attitude is born from a thankful heart.

They are taking a nap. In the kitchen.

Quotes I Hate...(don't like, I mean)

Facebook Phrases

I love Facebook to keep up with my out-of-state and formerly out-of-country family. I love to see pictures of kids and dogs and kitties. I like to know when there is a birthday, especially if the year is included and they are older than me. I love the funnies that are posted on there and I love to try to be funny. There are some things...that just...We have a saying in our home. Mostly my husband says it to me, but it's true. "You would probably be good friends with her if it weren't for Facebook." Let me just say, that is so true. Mostly the negatives drive me crazy. But also, the anniversary posts, new job/promotion posts, and the overall 'good people' posts.
 There is a reason why these bother me and it's not because I'm cold-hearted and hate my life. (Although Jesus tells us to hate our life, doesn't He? Luke 14:25-27. Yikes! need to work on that) Anyway, moving on. These posts annoy me because of these three phrases:

1." ________ years ago I married my soul mate!"
2. "Congratulations! You deserve it!"
3. "People are just good."

 People aren't good

 I'll start will "people are just good," because that one is short and sweet and just a very vague comment. Many times these 'good people' posts come about because of a crisis or some situation where the 'good' was seen. Don't get me wrong, there is ABSOLUTELY good in the world. But it only comes from one place- and it's not people. The only good in this world comes from God. Period. How do we know what "good" is, anyway? God. He puts it in our hearts and when we see it, we know. (Romans 3:10-12, Romans 3:23, Mark 10:18, side note-even Jesus loves a little riddle).

 I don't deserve it/You don't deserve it

 We deserve to be punished for our many sins. (Romans 6:23) The marriage, children, job, promotion, material things, food, clothing, etc. We do not deserve that. Those are gifts. A gift can not be earned and it is not deserved. Hmm, that one turned out shorter than I thought. Moving on.

 I did not marry my soul mate

 I know that I will one day. Jesus is my soul mate, and here are a few reasons why:

1. He is my friend  (John 15:15)
2. He died for me (John 15:13, Romans 5:8)
3. His love will never leave me (Romans 8:38)
4. He is perfect (Hebrews 4:15, 1 Peter 2:22)
5. He rescued me from death (Romans 6:23)


 There you have it. The reasons why those phrases irritate me. I think the most important part of this message is this- Although people aren't good, we don't deserve anything good, and we don't have a soul mate on this planet, God can work in us. He can give us good through Jesus Christ, who is the way, the truth, and the life. (John 14:6) He can give us our soul mate if we ask. And praise God, He can give us so much more than we could ever deserve!

Remembering April 27, 2011

 I've never shared some of these pictures. Mostly for respect of those affected by the tornadoes of 2011. Two years later, I've decided it was time to share a little bit of our story and some of the pictures that go along with it.
 I awoke to tornado sirens at 6am on April 27, 2011. It was the first of many tornado alerts we would hear that day. We all went to our "safe place," which, in all honesty isn't safe at all. But it's what we have. Little did I know that we would be spending the majority of the next 15 hours in that place.
 Around 12pm another warning came through our area. I was alone with my nearly 2 year old son. We again got in our "safe place." This time it was close, I could hear hail. It was so loud that I could no longer hear the weather man on TV. But from what I could hear outside, something was close. Large hail, loud pops of something...transformers? power lines? I didn't know. Then the entire house was quiet. No power.
 Thankfully, my husband had an emergency wind-up radio. I wound and wound it up and listened to the radio for news on the next wave of tornadoes. I watched the radar on my phone. I panicked. We knew they were coming, yet there was nothing to do but wait.
 The next tornado that came through our area was around 6pm. I'm so thankful that my husband was home and by my side with our baby underneath us. You never want to hear that a tornado with a 3/4 mile wide base is headed to your community. After this passed, I felt a sense of relief. I knew we were not in the clear, but I just felt a sense of calm that we had escaped a very large storm.
 These were the two tornadoes in our immediate vicinity. The warnings were constant throughout the day. Every thirty minutes to an hour, another cell would be coming through. It was a record-breaking number of tornadoes in Alabama that day.
 This was only the start of what would be a life-altering week. For five days we were without power. The hardest thing for me was taking an ice cold shower. I have really come to appreciate running hot water. We ate by candlelight at night, mostly pre-packaged food and juice boxes. We boiled water on the grill so that the baby could have a semi-warm sponge bath. We played games and listened to the wind-up radio. One day we went to the park with my in-laws. We also traveled to another town where there were rumors of power. We had a hot meal and then found a place to do some laundry...a truck stop. I often tell others that this was one of the best times of my life- and it was.
 For half of a day, I volunteered with a friend to help a neighborhood near by that had been hit hard. Words can not describe what is seen in these areas, or what is felt. There was thankfulness that it was not us. There was guilt that it was not us. There was an overwhelming feeling that nothing I can do will be enough. We just did what we could do that day, and they were thankful for us.
 April 27th will always be a day that I take time to remember those families that were changed forever. Many things were lost that day, but things don't matter. Many people were also lost that day. I remember the many families who mourn together for the loss of loved ones. I pray for them that God will give them peace and comfort.

Our "safe place"

Where we usually play

We had to wait in line for groceries

having fun at the truck stop

Just Wait- A perspective on marriage

I was inspired by this post to write this. Similar to child rearing in the fact that in the beginning, we are on an adrenaline rush of euphoria, only to find that this journey is so much harder than we expected, is this- marriage.
 When I see young couples...younger couples, (I admit, we are a young couple) I think to myself many things. None of which is "oh, they are going to be so happy together forever and ever!" Often times I think "if they only knew what lies ahead!" If we did know what was ahead, would we still get married? I would say most of us would. That is because although marriage is difficult, sometimes impossible, it is also so rewarding.
 God didn't create marriage to make us happy, but to make us holy. My favorite summary of marriage in the Bible is found in Ecclesiastes 4:9-12.

 

"Two are better than one,

because they have a good return for their work:

If one falls down,

his friend can help him up.

But pity the man who falls

and has no one to help him up!

Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.

But how can one keep warm alone?

Though one may be overpowered,

two can defend themselves.

A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."

 

 The idea behind this passage is that the "two" are in battle. Not with each other, but together, against an enemy. The two lying together symbolizes two lying back to back, protecting one another. I absolutely love this passage because it shows that one purpose of marriage is to give us a human companion to join our side in a spiritual battle. (paraphrased from Love and War)

 So many times when a couple is recently married, still in the "honeymoon phase," we hear or say "just wait." We know that the troubles are coming, because we've been there. But there is another side to the story...

 

Just wait until the first time you get to call him "husband"

 

Just wait until you get to go on vacation together- alone

 

Just wait until you've had a hard day at work and he meets you at home with a hot pizza

 

Just wait until you get to tell him that you will soon be a family of three

 

Just wait until you see your child in his arms for the first time

 

 

 

 

 

 

Just wait until you feel rejected and discouraged and he encourages you with biblical truth

 

Just wait until it's bath time for the kids and you hear them squealing and playing together

 

Just wait until you've sworn this is the worst day of your life, then you get a text like this:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Just wait until you feel like you've failed as a mother, and he tells you you're the best mom on Earth

 

Just wait until you're driving near home, see a horrible car accident, and praise God it isn't him

 

Just wait until he surprises you with a vacation you've been hinting about

 

Just wait until you've messed up and he shows you forgiveness only seen through Christ.

 

Just wait.

 

The next time you come across a newly married or engaged couple, give them words of encouragement. All too often we focus on the struggles of this life instead of the blessings. My marriage is no exception to the rule. We struggle. At times we have struggled greatly. But I praise God that He can make anything new again. If you are at a time of great struggle in your marriage, remember it is a battle. Your spouse is your comrade, not your enemy. Focus on the true enemy, and get the help you need from God and others.